Sammy Faisano
| Sammy Faisano | |
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| 31st President of the Federal Republic | |
| Incumbent | |
| In office August 5, 2012 – June 6, 2015 | |
| Vice President | Jessie McArthur |
| Succeeding | Manuelo Fernanda |
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| Vice President of the Federal Republic | |
| In office June 6, 2010 – August 5, 2012 | |
| President | Manuelo Fernanda |
| Preceded by | Antigone Morgan |
| Succeeded by | TBD |
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| Omigodtheykilledkenny Secretary of State | |
| In office April 15, 2008 – March 15, 2010 | |
| President | Manuelo Fernanda |
| Deputy | Antoin Venn |
| Preceded by | Alex Tehrani |
| Succeeded by | Jack Riley |
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| Ambassador to the United Nations | |
| In office July 24, 2006 – Aug. 19, 2007 | |
| President | Manuelo Fernanda |
| Deputy | Jessie McArthur |
| Preceded by | Jack Riley |
| Succeeded by | Jenny Chiang |
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| Born |
April 19, 1982 (age 30) Summit City, K.M.D. |
| Spouse | Avaya Thibaudet (engaged) |
| Professions |
Diplomat, Army officer, television personality |
| Alma mater | Summit City Liberal College |
| Religion | Seventh-day Adventist |
| Languages | English |
Samuel Faisano is the President of the Federal Republic of Omigodtheykilledkenny; he assumed power on August 5, 2012 when the previous president, Manuelo Fernanda, fled the country.[1] Prior to his accession to the presidency, Faisano had served the Fernanda Administration in numerous capacities, including several diplomatic posts abroad, ambassador to the United Nations from July 2006 to August 2007, and secretary of state from April 2008 to June 2010. In early 2010, Faisano was tapped to run for vice president as Fernanda's running mate when then-Vice President Antigone Morgan refused another term; Fernanda and Faisano were elected in March of that year, and Faisano took office in June.
Faisano's relative youth for a politician, his stormy relationship with a famous Artichoke-villainess -- er, Ardchoillean -- and his seeming inability to escape the ever-probing gaggles of celebrity photographers have made him an international tabloid sensation of sorts.
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Career
Working his way through college both as personal assistant to President John Thorne and faithful houseboy to Vice President Antigone Morgan, Army 2d Lt. Faisano came highly recommended to the State Department as a diplomatic attaché. Higher-ups in the department were very impressed with his calm, respectful demeanor (a quality rarely seen in OMGTKK diplomats), and instead referred his name to President Manuelo Fernanda as ambassador-at-large. After just two weeks on the job, Faisano was called upon to help defuse a potentially embarrassing situation involving the former ambassador to Gruenberg and a very tasty priceless Wenaist artifact. In recognition of his efforts, Faisano was made acting ambassador to Gruenberg, then nominated for ambassador to the United Nations after serving just a month in Flurthwel.
His appointment coinciding with the Federal Republic's return to the United Nations in July 2006, Faisano was viewed very skeptically by Senate Liberals, many of whom regarded him as extremist and inexperienced. His chances for confirmation were sealed, however, when his chief Senate opponent, while reading a seedy romance novel into the Senate record, keeled over and died.
Ambassador to the United Nations
- Further information: Omigodtheykilledkenny and the United Nations
Young, untested and deferential to his superiors, Faisano was suspected of having been propped up by the State Department as an easily controlled "puppet" after his predecessor's buffoonery at UN Headquarters nearly sparked several international incidents. Add to that the fact that secretary of state Alex Tehrani had previously elected to assume a broader role in negotiating major UN legislation. Faisano indeed never strayed too far from the official department line when it came to dealing in UN affairs, though he took a more active role in running the UN mission and representing the Federal Republic in the General Assembly -- comporting perfectly with the State Department's plans to put "a friendlier face" on its nasty sovereigntist politics.[2]
During his year-long tenure at the UN, Faisano authored Unconventional Arms Accord, Prohibition of UN Military and Repeal "Mutual Recognition of Borders" (all of which failed miserably), as well as Accessible Family Planning, a Social Justice proposal he handed off to the Karmicarian delegation, and which eventually became UN Resolution #219. He also instituted the policy of abstaining on Human Rights proposals that are generally well-written and justified, where the previous practice was to oppose all legislation submitted under that category.
Tabloid scandals and gossip
Faisano was a regular on the NSUN social scene, particularly the United Nations Strangers' Bar, where news media have breathlessly reported incidents such as his involvement in a catfight between his deputy Jessie McArthur and Gruenberg's Princess Jianna, his audacious dancing with Antigone Morgan, his romantic entanglement with a young white novice, and the instance where frustration over the UCAA "draft" prompted Faisano to retreat to the bar in order to blow his head off with a holographic gun.
In other venues Faisano was spotted tackling both Riley and Princess Jianna to the floor, and burying his face in Palentine Co-Empress Jhessan's bountiful cleavage.[3]
Ambassador to Ardchoille
In 2007, Faisano was appointed ambassador to the "suspect regime" in Ardchoille -- at the time considered one of the Federal Republic's more important embassies -- in recognition of his many successful dealings with the Ardchoillean UN delegation while UN ambassador, as well as the close personal (and borderline non-ethical) friendship he maintained with an Ardchoillean intern. Much of Faisano's work kept him consigned to the Strangers' Bar, as it is a famous haunt of many important Ardchoillean officials, and he was also retained by the Kennyite UN mission as an adviser during that period. Faisano's former deputy Paradoasm Banofshon was appointed to replace him as ambassador in April 2008, after a cabinet shuffle made Faisano secretary of state.
Secretary of State
A marked improvement in Kennyite-Ardchoillean relations -- which is to be expected when you're engaged to Ardchoille's foreign minister -- highlighted Faisano's eventful tenure as his country's chief diplomat, as did a much-hyped pay-per-view "rematch" with Palentine Empress Jhessan.[4] Faisano also had to tend to new and complex relationships with international up-and-comers like Urgench and Unibot, as well as a mysterious souring of relations with Ardchoille around the 19th of every month,[5] though high points such as a state visit by the Altani president and an end to hostilities in the Yeldan Civil War occasionally took the edge off.
Relations with the World Assembly, however, did not fare so well. Faisano found himself having to oversee an unexpected withdrawal from the infant body almost as soon as he took over at the State Department. Then, just as tensions with the festering snakepit began to simmer down somewhat, a major international scandal destroyed what little hope was left for a reconciliation, and the Federal Republic severed all formal ties to the body in June 2009. But that didn't stop the WA from continuing to provoke the Kennyites, with embarrassing citations the young secretary took rather personally.[6]
Vice President
The call for Faisano to become President Fernanda's running mate was sudden and unexpected, but Fernanda didn't have much of a choice once it emerged that the previous VP candidate's on-screen lifestyle wasn't really all that unrepresentative of his off-screen lifestyle. Thankfully, the job was not very demanding, and with his engagement broken off, Faisano had plenty of free time to ogle Jhessan's beach volleyball buddies online,[7] and occasionally guest-star on the hit series World Assembly.[8] [9]
Personal life
Faisano holds both bachelor's and master's degrees in international diplomacy, from Summit City Liberal College and Paradise City University respectively. In his spare time he enjoys being an activist for smokers' rights, a Linkin Park groupie and the drummer for the No Doubt tribute band Gwen's Boy Toys.[10] Vain attempts to contain the hijinkish behavior of his no-good stoner buddies is another, involuntary hobby of his.
Faisano is famed in Ardchoille for his relationship with Avaya Thibaudet, who belongs to a noted Ardchoillean clan and was made minister for foreign affairs in 2008. The two began dating in late 2006, and were engaged about a year later. Subsequent allegations about Faisano's womanizing -- brought on by a public confrontation between Faisano and Thibaudet at the Strangers' Bar -- have tarnished the secretary's image in Ardchoille, even as they have bolstered his rep in the veritable high-school boys' locker-room that is the Federal Republic.[11][12]
Additional materials
- Profile on Sammy Faisano for Gruenberg's GRIME Magazine
- Profile on Sammy Faisano for the Regional Almanac
 Kennyite public officials on NSwiki
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| Cabinet: Sammy Faisano | Jessie McArthur | Jack Riley | Karen Greene | Jenny Chiang
Diplomats: Antigone Morgan | Jimmy Baca | Susa Batko-Yoinvo | Lenny Beteta | Susannah Batko-Yovino | Angela Heimann-Weisenstrauss | Mark Reyes | Alex Tehrani |
