Omigodtheykilledkenny and the United Nations
Omigodtheykilledkenny was a member of the United Nations from June 2005 to February 2006, and from July 2006 until the UN's closure in April 2008. The nation's interests in the UN were represented by a permanent mission, which maintained offices at the UN Headquarters. The head of mission, formally styled the ambassador to the United Nations, was considered one of the most prominent officials in the Kennyite government.
During its tenure at the United Nations, the Federal Republic was an active member of numerous UN organizations and think-tanks, primarily the National Sovereignty Organization and the UN Defense Convention.
History
Established in 2005 by lame-duck President John Thorne as a way of challenging his anti-UN successor Manuelo Fernanda to keep the Federal Republic in the United Nations, the mission's first permanent representative to the UN was Fernanda appointee Jack Riley, who quickly established himself and his nation as a friend of national sovereignty, and foe of the dolphins. Riley didn't have much in the way of staff, though Deputy Ambassador George Brown did stand in for him from time to time, and Cdr. Jenny Chiang was appointed security attaché to the United Nations in March 2006. Under Riley, the mission became known as a pioneer of silly forum polls and failed repeals, its proposed scrappings of Protection of Dolphins Act and Fossil Fuel Reduction Act both being shot down in late 2005. The success of the Gay Rights repeal, defying particularly long odds, was considered a fluke by many.
OMGTKK also became known as a haven for insanity and the insane thanks to Jack Riley, whose disjointed rants on the UN floor grew more and more conspiracy-mongering and paranoid by the minute. The Federal Republic resigned from the United Nations in protest of its defeat of the Anti-Terrorism Act in Feb. 2006, though Riley stayed on as ambassador from OMGTKK's many UN puppet nations, and versed connoisseur of any liquid medicine that crossed his desk. After kidnapping one of Ardchoille's key diplomats, Riley was placed on medical leave, and later got the axe, along with a lifetime ban from UN Headquarters.
Sammy Faisano replaced Riley in July 2006 as OMGTKK returned to the UN as a full member. The young, untested diplomat was assisted by (nominal) Deputy Ambassador Jessie McArthur, who was mostly eye candy; Chiang, who quickly became one of the more important mission staffers as a surrogate deputy ambassador; Brown, who remained on as "communications director," whose job it was to spam delegates about Kennyite legislation; and Ex-Assemblywoman Shirley Jackson, a conspiracy-whoring nutcase who was only sent to the mission as "Acting Interim Associate Deputy Assistant Sub-Ambassador" so she would stop leaking classified reports to the press.
Numerous Kennyite proposals came down the pipe under Amb. Faisano, including Unconventional Arms Accord, an attempt at blocking future disarmament resolutions; Prohibition of UN Military, an attempt to codify a longstanding ban on UN military activity into international law; and a repeal of Mutual Recognition of Borders -- all of which failed. Two last-minute proposals, Accessible Family Planning and a repeal of SPCC Regulation Act, scored unexpected victories on the UN floor. The former, however, convinced many in the Fernanda Administration that Faisano was really a fluffy in sovereigntist clothing, and many suspect that was the reason behind the ambassador's Aug. 2007 reassignment to Ardchoille (though as his duties in the new post would consign him mostly to the Strangers' Bar, he remained as an adviser to the UN mission).
Faisano wasn't the only one to be reassigned, however, as the State Department quickly began dispatching most of his staff to far-off lands in a veritable Clearance Sale of damaged-goods diplomats. Jackson became ambassador to The Eternal Kawaii, McArthur the ambassador to Xirnium, Brown the ambassador to Rubina. Virtually the only staffer left was Chiang, who acted as ambassador for a month after Faisano's departure. Fears that the newly elected Liberal majority in the Federal Senate would not confirm Chiang as permanent ambassador led to the administration's nomination of Susa Batko-Yovino, a Fernanda crony who spent most of his time at the Tony's Palace Casino in UNHQ and had little more than ceremonial duties as ambassador, while Chiang continued to exercise most of the mission's real authority as deputy ambassador. Batko-Yovino was instrumental in the passage of Repeal "Max Barry Day" when many in the UN feared the original resolution would trigger the Apocalypse.
Policies and voting record
Omigodtheykilledkenny's UN legation could be counted on to support most repeals, and though practically a Gatesvillean sovereigntist in its early days, eventually softened its opposition to any restriction on sovereignty, and became known for supporting quality legislation, particularly in the fields of Free Trade and International Security. Jack Riley's early opposition to Freedom of Conscience, Ban Chemical Weapons and the Protection of Dolphins resolution also marked the Federal Republic as a foe of Human Rights, Global Disarmament and Environmental legislation. (In fact, Riley's fanatical opposition to human-rights accords led some prominent members of the UN to mistake OMGTKK for a fascist or dictatorial state, though nothing could be further from the truth ... sort of.)
But there were exceptions to the rule, as the Federal Republic actually supported Quintessence of Dust's anti-slavery reforms, and under Sammy Faisano began abstaining on other key human-rights bills. OMGTKK supported Venerable Libertarians' endangered species conservation bill, Waterana's space-junk resolution and even (in an ironic sense) the radical Promotion of Solar Panels resolution. In addition, the Federal Republic voted for Yelda's Nuclear Non-Proliferation Act and the revamped UN Bio Agent Convention, the latter of which might not have been allowed at vote, had OMGTKK's own "global disarmament" proposal passed the General Assembly several months prior.
The Kennyites were staunch supporters of blocker resolutions -- most infamous among them Abortion Legality Convention and Fair Sentencing Act -- and were especially raucous cheerleaders for UN Counterterrorism Initiative.
Ambassador Faisano probably delivered the most able summation of the Federal Republic's world view as it applied to the UN, when he testified before the Senate Foreign Affairs Committee as ambassador-designate in July 2006.
Sponsored Legislation
In all, 12 proposals sponsored or co-sponsored by the Kennyites made it to quorum under the United Nations, half of which eventually passed. (These include Accessible Family Planning and Repeal "SPCC Regulation Act", which did not have the Kennyites' name on them.) Following are short summaries of some of these legislative efforts.
UN Resolutions
Repeal 'Protection of Dolphins Act'
- Main article: Repeal "Protection of Dolphins Act" (failed)
Removing the popular, if controversial, dolphin-protection statute from the UN books was an obsession for the Fernanda Administration when it first came to office in June 2005, as it considered dolphins spies for hostile nations [1]. A mere month after it passed, the Federal Republic introduced a repeal of the resolution, which got roughly 100 delegate approvals, but failed to reach quorum. Two weeks later in mid-August, it reintroduced the same repeal, which was quickly tied to an effort by UN Old Guard nations to replace existing animal-protection laws with a comprehensive bill to protect all endangered species in the UNsphere (later passed under the acronym UNCoESB). The repeal failed -- but was avenged when Yelda introduced a repeal of the same resolution two months later, which passed by a narrow margin. As far as the OMGTKK State Department is aware, PoDA is the only resolution in UN history to be repealed after two attempts.
Repeal 'Fossil Fuel Reduction Act'
- Main article: Repeal "Fossil Fuel Reduction Act"
Convinced that the United Nations was infected by a "fanatical anti-fossil-fuel craze," and that FFRA's repeal was "inevitable" [2], OMGTKK introduced a repeal weeks after FFRA passed in early October 2005. Though several nations helped with the draft, OMGTKK distributed telegrams to delegates all on its own, and it hit quorum inside a day. Once it got to vote, however, chances for its passage were slim. Cluichstan and Gruenberg tried to change the tide by lobbying opponents and delegate nations that hadn't voted, but the repeal still failed, 60%-40%.
Repeal 'Gay Rights'
- Main article: Repeal "Gay Rights"
A fractious debate over the Gay Rights law, a controversial UN Secretariat ruling on an earlier repeal's legality, the suggestion that Gay Rights was ineffective and could be stricken out on redundancy grounds -- and Amb. Jack Riley's psychotic obsession with giant radioactive hamsters -- brought the eventual repeal of Resolution #12 to the fore. The repeal argument was based mostly on arguments offered by Gruenberg, who also assisted with most of the drafting and telegrammed with Cluichstan to help it reach quorum. Despite an emotional, divisive floor debate, and conventional wisdom at the time that Gay Rights couldn't be repealed, the repeal passed easily in February 2006.
Abortion Legality Convention
- Main article: Abortion Legality Convention
On the heels of Repeal "Abortion Rights", called by some "the worst resolution in the history of the UN," Gruenberg authored a resolution preserving nations' rights to legislate on the matter of abortion, and delegated to the Kennyite UN Mission the task of submitting the proposal and spearheading a telegram campaign to get it to quorum. Cluichstan, The Palentine and Wyldtree assisted with telegramming efforts, and the bill was placed in the voting queue ahead of a competing proposition (sponsored by Waterana) to mandate legalized abortion in all member states. The Mission also beat back a legality challenge lodged against it, and owing to the Gruenberger delegation's absence, served as the proposal's surrogate sponsor once it hit the floor in March 2006. It passed overwhelmingly.
Unconventional Arms Accord
- Main article: Unconventional Arms Accord
A resolution to regulate the use of chemical and biological weapons, and to give individual member nations the right to develop and produce any weapons their leaders deem necessary to national defense, met with heavy opposition on the General Assembly floor when it was introduced in Nov. 2006. While the reasons for its failure at vote were not immediately clear, many active UN delegations were strongly opposed to the provision that would outlaw all future UN weapons bans. Many others assumed the proposal was either a ban or restriction on the production of unconventional arms. Although the proposal's ultimate defeat was an embarrassment for the Federal Republic and its new ambassador (who had taken up UCAA as his first legislative project), most State Department officials considered subsequent UN bans on biological and radiological weapons an upside to its failure.
Prohibition of UN Military
- Main article: Prohibition of UN Military
This proposal came to the fore at the behest of NSUN moderator Frisbeeteria, who sought to prevent the submission of illegal proposals introducing a UN military or police force. In Dec. 2006 the mission coordinated with UN DEFCON in producing a simply worded military ban. Luckily it carried the "Frisbeeteria curse" and failed miserably on the UN floor. The idea of a UN military force proved very popular, though none exist and it is illegal to create any.
Repeal 'Mutual Recognition of Borders'
- Main article: Repeal "Mutual Recognition of Borders"
Repeal 'Max Barry Day'
- Main article: Repeal "Max Barry Day"
Dubbed by some "Omigodtheykilledkenny's proudest achievement" in the United Nations, Repeal "Max Barry Day" used humor and common sense to argue against the original resolution's inapplicability and illegality. Tragically, the humor was lost on 3,727 UN voters, and "common sense" had just been repealed by the UN by the time the proposal came to vote, so it wasn't a very logical debate, to say the least. Repeal "Max Barry Day" is considered OMGTKK's second successful resolution, despite three others preceding it that were indirectly sponsored by the Kennyites. It is also the only resolution to have been authored by Ambassador Susa Batko-Yovino, a powerless and usually disengaged figurehead of the Kennyite UN mission. Repeal "Max Barry Day" was voted the Best Resolution of 2007 in a poll sponsored by Cobdenia.
Free Expression Act
- Main article: Free Expression Act
Unusual as it was for the Federal Republic to introduce a resolution to protect democratic freedoms, Free Expression Act was brought to vote after Christmas 2007 as part of an effort to block a similar proposal the Kennyites could not stomach. It failed by 57 votes on New Year's Day 2008, the closest vote margin in UN history.
Repeal 'Humanitarian Intervention'
- Main article: Repeal "Humanitarian Intervention"
The World Assembly
Omigodtheykilledkenny was briefly involved with the UN's purported "successor organization," the World Assembly, and during its months-long stint there sponsored key organizational resolutions establishing international headquarters and a funding source for the infant body. But the Kennyites' membership in the WA proved extremely unpopular with the voting public, and a national referendum would force the nation's withdrawal from the organization shortly after its founding in April 2008.
In May 2009, amidst a fractious controversy over newly announced functions for the WA, the Kennyite government announced that the WA was not a legitimate international body after all, but a front for another of Catherine Gratwick's evil schemes for world domination. In response, all formal connections to the WA were permanently severed, although a K-SPAN film crew remains entrenched at WAHQ for purposes of documenting WA proceedings for the internationally popular reality show, World Assembly.
Additional materials
| Omigodtheykilledkenny and the United Nations |
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| Sponsored Legislation: Repeal "Protection of Dolphins Act" | Repeal "Fossil Fuel Reduction Act" | Repeal "Gay Rights" | Abortion Legality Convention | Unconventional Arms Accord | Prohibition of UN Military | Repeal "Mutual Recognition of Borders" | Repeal "Max Barry Day" | Free Expression Act | Repeal "Humanitarian Intervention" |
| Related topics: Mission History and Staff | UN Voting Record | Creative Solutions Agency | Kennypoll™ | The World Assembly |
